Ukraine does it again

If Ukraine doesn't win Eurovision 2009, I'll eat my hat! Seriously, this song has it all: crazy inventive production, banging chorus, delirious lyrics, nutty video (though that won't help at the contest) and babes in skimpy outfits (which I trust will somehow pop up on the Moscow stage).

Added bonus: If Ukraine wins in Moscow, the Russians are going to freak out.

Eurovision coming...again!

Yep, it's almost that time of the year again. The dark horse this year is…the U.K. Don't laugh, it's true! I look at that country's entry over at the New York Post's blog. My fellow Eurofreaks, it's going to be a good vintage, I can just feel it.

Eurovision coming!

On Monday, March 16, I'll talk about the upcoming Eurovision Song Contest on WNYC's Soundcheck. I should be on around 2:20pm EST. You can listen on your radio thingamajig or online. Ain't technology grand?

In Moscow all dreams come true

Is Moscow the 2008 capital of pop? All signs point east.

First, Russia wins the Eurovision Song Contest. Okay, Dima Bilan's song "Believe" is a ridiculously dull ballad that was only redeemed by a staging that included tight white pants and ice-skating. Still, a win's a win. (Eurovision freaks all know that runner-up "Shady Lady", by Ukrainian star Ani Lorak, deserved to triumph.)

Second: You and I, a movie in which t.A.T.u plays a large part, is about to hit the screens—even though it's likely to be the small screens as it has "straight to DVD" written all over it. Based on this trailer, however, it also has "straight to the top of the Dilettante's Netflix queue" written all over it: bad Russian accents, lesbionic (sub)text and pop music are three of my main requirements for a movie. Oh, and Mischa Barton too. How did Roland Joffe know?

Of course this is a bad fit for the director of such un-pop movies as The Killing Fields and The Mission, but it's also exactly why You and I looks powerfully alluring. Plus, who would have thought the auteur of Total Recall and RoboCop would deliver Showgirls? Joffe is no Verhoeven, but I'll be pretty happy if You and I merely is a tenth as good as Showgirls.

Rocking the contest

As we inch closer to this year's Eurovision Song Contest (May 20-24 in Belgrade), fun news keep trickling in. My favorite right now: Jean-Paul Gaultier is going to be one of the commentators on the French broadcast. Gaultier is clearly on a pop roll, having just done the costumes for Kylie's new tour, and I can't wait to hear what he has to say about the contest's traditionally, er, daring fashion.

I actually think this is going to be a superior vintage for Eurovision. I wasn't feeling it last year but Belgrade is going to deliver the goods.

First of all, there's now so many participating countries that there are two semi finals, each with 19 contestants, in addition to the five countries automatically in the run (France, the UK, Germany and Spain + host Serbia). Considering a large proportion of these entries are from Eastern Europe, which is known for an often dicy relationship with good taste, that's a whole lot of opportunity for hot messes.

But the thing is, lots of countries are throwing caution to the wind this year, and not just the ones from behind the old iron curtain. Just think: Ireland is sending a puppet named Dustin the Turkey (careful this video could make your head explode), Spain a comedian doing the Chiki Chiki dance, France is singing in English for the first time and Belgium just came up with an invented tongue. And of course we have classics: Latvia is sending a bunch of guys dressed as pirates, Finland rocks hard again, Ukraine has selected one of its leggy pop babes, Ani Lorak, with a song titled "Shady Lady" (which somehow seems so Ukraine) while Russia is banking on Dima Bilan with a track produced like Timbaland (also so Russia in its nouveau richness). As for Sweden, it's playing it relatively safe with Charlotte Perrelli, who actually won in 1999 under the name Charlotte Nilsson.

All bets are off!

Holy Euro-mackerel!!

France has just announced that it's sending Sébastien Tellier to the Eurovision Song Contest. That, my friends, is earth-shaking news. Apparently Tellier is going to perform "Divine," a song from his latest album, Sexuality.

Two huge things here: First of all, "Divine" (which can you hear streaming here) is performed in English, which is a humongus departure for France, one of the last countries to stubbornly stick to English at the contest. In fact, it may well be the very first time the French entry will be in English.

Second, Tellier is that rare case of a totally odd bird that's also rather commercially successful—meaning he already has both a good critical reputation and a viable commercial career. The fact that France 3, the public-TV channel that runs the contest in France, went for him shows that it fully realized a drastic move was needed to both make the contest meaningful again at home and make a statement about what French music means in 2008.

With Sexuality, which is produced by Daft Punk's Guy-Manuel de Homen Christo (!!!), Tellier said he wanted to make an unabashedly, well, sexual album. (The cover will give you an indication.) The songs I've heard so far are really, really good, mixing a traditional French-pop songwriting approach—Tellier often refers to Gainsbourg and Christophe in interviews—electronics.

So it's clear why France 3 picked him. Why he chose to go is another matter, and I'm curious to see how he rationalizes that decision. My guess: He's nuts (in a good way) and he's going precisely because it's such an unexpected move for him.

It's on!

For way too many of us, February means one thing: the real beginning of the national selection rounds for Eurovision. And this year already looks like it's going to be a feisty one—Lordi's win in Athens last year has obviously unlocked a lot of "why the hell not?!?" pent-up Eurovision energy. There's talk of Morrissey and Jarvis Cocker participating for the UK, Denmark has just selected a statuesque drag queen and as I've mentioned before, the mighty Ark has entered the Swedish competition, Melodifestivalen (MP3s of several 2007 Melodifestivalen songs can be found here). Even perennial loser Poland has come up with a good tune that boasts a total Gwen/Fergie vibe—exactly what you'd expect from Poland, right? (Although that country has given us the awesome Kasia Stankiewicz so it obviously has pop potential.) If Portugal, which usually is Poland's peer in terms of Eurovision wretchedness, somehow brings out something half-decent, it'll be a sign that Helsinki will be the most hotly fought contest in years.

Now things are heating up in France, where France Télévisions has set up a better selection system than usual. This year, each of the channels making up the public group is picking two candidates within an assigned genre, before the Eurovision entry is chosen at a grand final in March. The most encouraging part is that the entries tend eschew the boring consensual slow-to-mid-tempo crap that's plagued the French selections this past decade; not so good, however, is that France is still far from even nearing the Scandis' particular genius at catchy melodies. Hasn't anybody heard of anthemic chorus and strategic key changes over there?

France 2 is meant to represent variété. Estelle Lemée zooms out of the gate with a fairly strong ’60s-flavored number (though the chorus should be a lot more wow) and an even better visual identity. Estelle and her handlers also understand the importance of gay gay gay backing dancers at Eurovision. Now that's progress! BZR and Cheb Hamid have a good song and the little scenario they play out in the video is sorta fun, but they're definitely not variété, and hasn't the turbo-ethnic genre run its course at the main contest? And what's up with wearing a Brazil soccer jersey? Come on! My bet is on Estelle here.

France 3 looks to be embracing kitsch as well as its assigned genre of "nouvelle scène française." Les Vedettes' "Vive papa!" is written by indie icon Katerine (who recently had a freak hit with the brilliant "Louxor j'adore"). They work a latex-cheerleader look and the song isn't bad, but I'm afraid this brave attempt at over-the-topness is too amateurish. Les Fatals Picards' "L'amour à la française" is a lot better, and non-French speakers should be aware it's sung in a fake American accent. Too inside-jokey to work in Helsinki perhaps.

France 4 (rock and rap) is going with Les Wampas, an old-school—or perhaps just old—punk band that also had a freak hit a few years ago with "Manu Chao." True to form, the chorus of "Faut voter pour nous" goes "You gotta vote for us! Les Wampas are going to win Eurovision!" Alas, history tells us that self-aware songs don't do well at the contest, even when they happen to be great, as was Telex's "Eurovision." And "Faut voter pour nous" is far from great, or even good. France 4's other pick, MAP, performs a rap with violin and accordion in French. Not a chance.

Of the two France 5 pop picks, I prefer Jennifer Chevallier, whose mid-tempo R&B-flavored "Mon étoile" is actually fairly catchy. Among my favorites with Estelle Lemée, and one of the few who'd stand a chance at the showdown in Helsinki (though I'm not sure if the interracial angle would play for or against her at this point). Charlotte Becquin is backed by a girl band, and god knows those are rare in France. In the video they act up a certain lesbo vibe, which is novel enough at Eurovision to score points, but would be a lot more believable if the girls didn't look like they have no idea how to play their instruments. I mean come on, even Vanilla Ninja could play!

Finally, RFO, true to form and mandate, goes the world route, which should really please those who think the multiracial soccer team doesn't represent "the real France." Medi T's "On and On" starts with the national anthem before turning into a bouncy party anthem with the usual lyrics about how we're all the same despite being of different colors and how dancing unites the world. Good thing most Eurovision viewers don't understand French. Valérie Louri's "Besoin d'ailleurs" is relatively stark but not bad. Its problem, shared by all the other songs here, is the absence of a cathartic chorus. As long as French songwriters can't come up with one, we'll never win, simple as that.